Growing old - disgracefully

Many of the things that we do, that we experience, that we see, are about change. Getting older is perhaps one of the major changes that we all experience - even though many of us would rather not admit that this is happening!

We look in the mirror and suddenly see our first wrinkle, our first grey hair and suddenly it hits home - we are getting old!! And so it begins, the endless seeking after the 'fountain of youth'. We dye our hair, use the latest facial moisturisers that promise to 'reduce the 7 signs of aging', get our wrinkles 'botoxed', our faces 'lifted', our tummys 'tucked'. We cling, ever more desperately, to our youth, as though this is the only part of our lives that was worth living. Changes are happening to us, changes that we don't want and that are, therefore, bad! We must buy that 'Wrinkle Decrease' because we're worth it!

In the comedy film, 'Death Becomes Her', both Meryl Streep and Goldie Hawn play women who are desperate for success and youth and beauty. They both choose to take the expensive, 'magic', potion and instantly they have what they want. However, this youth and beauty is not without cost - they wanted preservation, to remain young and beautiful for ever - but this means that they can't die and in the process of exacting their revenge upon each other they pass from immortal life to immortal death - not quite what they had in mind!

Part of our modern 'problem' with death and aging, is that we view changes that we don't choose as being bad or unfair; all these unwanted changes are something that we can opt out of if we try hard enough, spend enough money, put ourselves through more and more invasive cosmetic procedures. It's as though death is the booby prize that we can avoid if we just fight hard enough.

Life is good, death is bad. From a Taoist perspective, this view of the life/death duality is just plain wrong. You can't have life without death and vice versa; these two need each other and neither one of them is good or bad, they just are. It is our interpretation of, our reaction to, these two events that makes them either good or bad - and so here we come to the nub of the thing, it is all, in fact, about choice, about how we choose to deal with the inevitability of this change that comes to all of us, sooner or later.

Now, don't get me wrong - I'm not about to step off into the darkness before I absolutely have to and neither am I averse to looking after my health as much as is possible and making the best of what looks I ever had. I have no intention, however, of clinging to my youth through whatever means possible and so I mean to encourage my 7 signs of aging:

1. Smile a lot - if you're going to have wrinkles (and you are) let them be there because you've enjoyed yourself.

2. Grey hair - love it - it means you've made it this far.

3. False teeth - if they start to annoy you, at least you can take them out!

4. Weight gain - you're not overweight, you merely have a 'well-rounded' personality.

5. Worry - don't worry about what other people think - live life now, you're not getting any younger, no matter how much moisturiser you use!

6. Enjoy your life now - if you want to splash in puddles, then do it - after all the puddles don't last forever.

7. Lastly, when you do something you want to, and somebody younger than you gives you a 'funny' look (and this includes your children), grin slowly - it'll make them wonder what else you've been up to!

Trying to be true to the Tao means living in the present, not in the past or the future. This is not always easy, we have to work at it. So grow old disgracefully - have fun, do things you enjoy (even if everybody tells you that you're too old). Don't cling to your youth - after a while it just starts to get ridiculous; don't start panicking about the exact moment of your death either, you won't know when it's going to happen and it just means that you'll never start living in the here and now.

And remember growing old doesn't mean fading away.

You'll know who I am if you ever see me - I'm the one in the frog wellies jumping in all the puddles!